Importance of the family
Islam places much emphasis on the family unit. The ties of kinship are so important that they are to be upheld, irrelevant of whether all family members are Muslim or not. (It should be noted here however, that the ties of brotherhood and sisterhood within Islam are are even stronger than any familial ties).
Structure of the family
Each person in the family has been allocated an important role and set responsibilities within the family, ensuring that each person has a purpose and function and is a necessary component of the family 'team'. Inbuilt into Allah's wisdom behind these roles and responsibilities is that individuals are protected from harm and live harmoniously in a safe and supportive family where the burden and workload are shared.
This sharing is defined according to the natural tendencies that Allah has created in us as human beings and the mental and physical capacity of each family member. Just as people in a company are employed according to their specific skills in an area and are managed by a leader, so too in the Islamic family where each person has a specialised role that changes during the course of their lifetime. Women nurture and give love and affection, men are the providers for and leaders of their families and children are there to support their parents, particularly when they grow old and are unable to do this themselves.
Whilst each person in the family has a role and number of responsibilities, they also have certain privileges and rights over other members of the family. In one way or another each individual in the family is honoured by others. For example, fathers and mothers take care of the children and give them an Islamic upbringing; children listen, obey, and respect the rights of fathers and mothers, on a basis of love and respect.
Parents
Treatment of parents
The kind treatment of parents, and in particular towards mothers, is reiterated over and over in both the Qur'an and the words and practices of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Indeed respecting parents is a command from Allah and disrespecting parents is one of the major sins in Islam. Parents are always to be obeyed and respected regardless of whether or not the child agrees with or likes the parents' views or requests, right until the parents' death. They do this out of love and respect for both their parents and Allah, and in recognition of the great sacrifices and difficulties their parents have had in raising them.
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour"
(Qur'an 17:23)
There is however, one situation where parents must not be obeyed: when their commands conflict with those of Allah, in which case the child must obey Allah.
Responsibilities of parents
In return, parents have the responsibility of raising their children in an Islamic manner. One of the main ways in which they do this is by setting good examples through living according to the laws of Allah and practising Islam in its entire and complete form as a way of life. Parents should remember that they will in fact be held accountable by Allah as to how they raise their children.
Parents are responsible for providing a loving and safe environment for their children, they also have the responsibility of teaching them about worldly matters to allow them to get along in life.
They should teach their child about Islam, both in theory and understanding, as well as in practice. Parents should ensure that their children learn to read the Qur'an in Arabic, and enjoin upon them praying, fasting and so on when they reach the appropriate age. As they grow older the children should be taught about the finer points of Islamic behaviour such as manners and how to treat others. The parents must also advise them well with regard to what Allah loves, and what He has forbidden to keep them away from what will harm them, both in this life and the next. Along with these general guidelines, the parents must ensure that they fulfill the specific rights of their children listed below.
Children
Children hold a very special place in the family in Islam. Whilst any parent would agree that raising children is not an easy task, they are also a great reward in this life and the Hereafter.
The treatment of children
Children are deserving of love and affection. They should be hugged, kissed and played with. Furthermore, parents should treat all their children equally and not favour one over another, such as by giving one child a better gift than another.
The responsibilities of children
Children first and foremost have a responsibility to respect and obey their parents, as discussed above. In old age, the parents should be supported and cared for by their children. In Islam, it is not acceptable to put parents into a resthome unless they particularly need the specialised medical attention. In any case, they are not to be 'forgotten about' and the ties of kinship should be upheld until their death. The children have the responsibility of taking care of their parents and seeing to their needs, including their financial needs if they are unable to support themselves in this way. The mother in particular is deserving of her children's obedience, respect and love. For Muslims, after Allah, the next to be obeyed is the Prophet Muhammad, and after that they are to obey their mother, and then after that their father. In the event that the father dies whilst some of the children are unable to financially support themselves, this responsibility of financially supporting the family passes to the sons (if they are of age), and if there are none, to the other male relatives.
The rights of the unborn child
Even though the a child may not have been born, it still has many rights and these are to be upheld in recognition of the fact that it is alive and a human that Allah has created. These may be summarised below:
1. The right to life
The Qur'an specifically states that the unborn foetus has a right to life, in addition to the general sanctity of life ordained in Qur'an. If a pregnant woman dies and there is reason to believe that the foetus is still alive then it should be removed (by caesarian section).
"Hence, do not kill your children for fear of want (poverty): It is We Who shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily, killing them is a great sin" (Qur'an 17:31)
This means that deliberate termination of pregnancy (abortion) is forbidden under most circumstances. However, there are exceptions to the rule, for example, continuing with the pregnancy would endanger the woman's life or cause her great physical harm or if the foetus dies in the womb.
2. The right to inheritance
If a person dies before the child is born and the child would be entitled to a share of the inheritance, then the division of the inheritance should be postponed until after the birth.
3. The right to be buried
If a child dies before it is born, or it is stillborn, then it is entitled to be washed, wrapped in funeral cloths, have a funeral prayer said for them and be buried, just as any other Muslim is.
The rights of the child after they are born
Once the child is born, there are certain rights the child has:
1. Adhan in the ear
When the baby is born, the first thing that should be done is that the words of the adhan (call to prayer) are whispered in the baby's right ear. This means that the very first words the baby hears will be those enjoining the Oneness of Allah.
2. Tahneek
It is sunnah (the practice of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)) to do tahneek for the newborn baby. Tahneek involves putting something sweet (dates if possible) into the baby's mouth. The dates are first softened by a person chewing it, and then the baby's mouth is opened and some of the chewed dates put in.
3. To be named
The child should be given a beautiful name that does not mean anything bad or distasteful. The best names are those of the prophets, pious Muslims and those names that imply the worship of Allah, such as Abdullah (which means Slave of Allah) or Abdur-Rahman (which means Slave of the Most Gracious), and so on. The child may be named at any time, but is preferable to do so on the seventh day after the birth.
4. 'Aqeeqa
An 'aqeeqa is a feast to celebrate the birth of the child. An animal or two at least should be sacrificed to feed to the guests. It is preferable to hold the 'aqeeqa on the seventh day after the birth. For more information see Celebrations.
5. Shave the child's head
This also should be done on the seventh day and the weight of the shaven hair in silver should be given in charity. It is then preferable to anoint the baby's head with saffron.
6. Circumcision
The new baby should also be circumcised, as this is part of the fitrah or natural state of mankind (along with trimming the nails and moustache and removing the pubic and underarm hair in adulthood). It may be asked why Allah gave human beings these things if Allah asks us to remove them. It is merely another way in which Allah blesses those who follow Him, by allowing them to differentiate themselves from those who do not believe in Allah in a physical sense, in addition to what is in their hearts and what is shown in their actions and speech.
When a child becomes an adult
At the age of seven, the child should be asked to observe salah (prayer). By the age of ten, the parents should reprimand the child for not observing salah and separate it from others in its bed (i.e. the child should sleep separately). When the child begins to show signs of having reached puberty such as having nocturnal emissions ('wet dreams'), pubic hair, menstruation and so on, then they are expected to dress modestly according to the Islamic requirements, pay zakat (alms tax) and to fast during the month of Ramadhan. In other words, they are considered at this point to be responsible for adhering to all the commands Allah has ordained.
The virtue of girls
In pre-Islamic Arabia it was the practice of the people at the time to regard male children as being superior to female children, to the point where the parents of female babies would bury alive their female offspring. Allah forbade this practice when He revealed the following verses:
"And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief!
He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonour or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision"
(Qur'an 16:58)
"And when the female infant, buried alive is questioned for what crime she was killed...." ( Qur'an 81:8)
In many cultures and religions female children are still regarded as less desirable than male children. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did much to try to show in his actions and his words that they were to be treated as equal. He used to treat his granddaughter with just as much affection and love as his grandsons and he would carry her when he prayed. There are also many hadith (traditions of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)) that recognise the value and blessing of girls. One such example is:
Ayesha (wife of the Prophet (PBUH)) relates: "a woman came to me along with her two daughters asking for something for them. I did not have anything at that time except a single date, which I gave to her. She divided it between her two daughters and did not eat herself. Thereafter she got up and went away. When the Holy Prophet (PBUH) came I told him about this. He said 'One who is tried with the bringing up of daughters and treats them well, will find that they will become his shield from the fire of Hell.'"
Deceased Children and Paradise
Muslims believe that all human beings are born as Muslims with a natural tendency to worship the One and Only True God, Allah. The Prophet Muhammad said that it is only a person's upbringing that causes them to worship gods other than Allah, or no god at all, based on what they are taught.
There is no doubt amongst the scholars of Islam that all Muslim children who die before they reach the age of account will go to Paradise, because they are not in position to be responsible for their actions. With regard to non-Muslim children, they fall into the category of those people who will be tested on the Day of Judgement, along with those who have no knowledge of Islam because the message of Islam had never reached them. Allah is the fairest of judges and would not do wrong by anyone with regard to their final destination (Paradise, Hell or somewhere in between) without just cause. Indeed Allah has knowledge of everything - past, present and future. He knows what is in people's hearts and He knows what choices a person would make if they had the chance. In other words, He knows whether a person would have committed evil or good or would have accepted Islam had they lived.
Muslims also believe that if as parents they lose children before the children reach adulthood, then the they will wait at the gates of Paradise for their parents, and not enter without them. This is one of the mercies of Allah, who compensates the parents with eternal bliss for the great loss they suffer in this life.
Orphans
There is great reward for one who spends of his/her wealth on an orphan, and an orphan should not be turned away.
The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said: " I and one, who takes care of an orphan, whether related to him or a stranger, will be like these two (fingers) in Paradise;', and the narrator raised his forefinger and middle finger to illustrate this (i.e. they will be together)".
(Hadith)
The property of an orphan is to be looked after until they come of age to have the maturity to dispose of it wisely. The person who is minding the orphan's property is to do just that and if they were to take it for themselves, it would be a serious sin.
"Lo! Those who devour the wealth of orphans wrongfully, they do but swallow fire into their bellies, and they will be exposed to burning flames"
(Qur'an: Surah An-Nisa': verse 10)
Adopting orphans
Legal adoption as is done in non-Muslim countries is not something that Islam enjoins. However, it is permissible to take a child into one's care and raise them, such as is the practice with foster children. This means that the child does not take the name of it's foster parents, but rather retain it's own father's name and lineage (if known), which is one of the commandments of Allah. By doing so, the child will not marry their blood sister or brother out of ignorance, for example. The child retains the rights of an orphan and should be educated in matters of religion and worldly matters by the foster parents.
Taking care of an orphan is one of the noblest deeds that can be undertaken. However, it does not mean that the orphan becomes like a child born to the parents. Care should be taken that the orphan does not mix with opposite members of the family, as s/he is still permitted to marry them under the Islamic Law. However, in the case that the foster mother has breastfed the orphan as a baby, this does not apply because the orphan is then not permitted to marry his/her foster brothers/sisters.
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